What happened when I used an axe this summer

And how I want to put up a shelf. The eight of swords as a card for going beyond perceived limitations.

Happy Monday and happy full moon!

Today I want to tell you a story about why at the age of 49 I still haven't ever used a drill and how chopping wood changed me.

The 8 of swords is at the heart of my story. Before we begin, in case you're new to tarot, here's a quick glance at the meaning of the card.

The 8 of swords at a glance

This is a card to highlight perceived limitations as well as an invitation to go beyond them. Number eight in tarot is a number of power which in this card is drawn from our willingness to challenge our own ideas however scary.

Surrounded by obstacles and threats on all sides, you find yourself a victim. You see no way out, no available choices. Your perceptions keep you from opening your wings and taking flight.

Kim Krans from the Wild Unknown Tarot guidebook.

An 8 of swords story

Last week on my holiday in the Lakes I chopped firewood for our campfire with an axe. It was my first time. You never forget your first time.

In my life, I've never drilled, never used a saw, never changed a plug, never fixed a puncture.

In short I never did the so called ‘men's jobs’ Nobody ever showed me how. The men in my family were always on the case anyhow, so I never bothered to learn.

I was born in 1975 and grew up with traditional gender roles. Mum cooked and did the laundry and dad changed lightbulbs, built flatpack wardrobes and got the car serviced.

So, last week when we bought a beautiful restored axe, I watched my husband chop firewood and wondered why these jobs fall to the men by default.

We'd bought the axe because the wood was damp and the campfire was rubbish. We'd seen a man with his axe camping nearby. He chopped his wood each night like he was born to do it and created enviable fires each time. His wife sat and watched.

I wanted to be like him. King of the outdoors. Strong and cool. A woodsman. I wanted to keep my family warm. I wanted to be a viking and women can be vikings too.

So, I told my husband to pass me the axe.

I lifted my arms high above my head, relaxed and focussed in a way I do when I meditate and hit the log with a thwack.

As the wood split open, I looked at my husband and whispered ‘yesssss’ triumphantly.

I was Giuseppe carving a new being out of wood, except this was no Pinocchio, no boy. This was a real woman with a taste for freedom and a utility room that has needed shelves for far too long.

I'm ashamed to admit it but for years I've begged my husband to put up a shelf in the Utility so I can do the ‘woman's bit’ and fill pretty tins with pegs, laundry powder and birdseed.

I still don't have a shelf there and for some reason I blame him. It hadn't occurred to me to do it myself.

I sometimes imagine the only way I'll ever put a shelf up is if we divorce or he dies and I'll be left single, forced to do all the jobs he usually does.

I know how nuts this sounds.

In my head women only do DIY when no men are available and never because they can or want to. These are the obstacles in my mind and it's time I questioned them.

So, I've decided, If I can split wood and enjoy it, I can get a drill out and put up shelves. Not because my husband is busy and doesn't have time but because I want to.

I'll get out the tape measure and choose a shelf. I'll find a You Tube video and learn to use a drill. Then I'll line my shelf with cute containers and reserve one of the tins for nuts, bolts and screws. I can be both practical and creative.

Upstairs right now as I'm typing this my husband is fixing up a shelf in my daughter’s room but my daughter is watching and learning. I'll go and join them I think…

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8 of swords Journal prompt

• What are your perceived limitations in your life?

• Where in your life have you already gone beyond your own conditioning?

Tarot card exercise for challenging limitations

Sit still for a few moments and shuffle your cards. Ask your cards for a cheerleader for times you need to go out of your comfort zone.

Question to you

I'm interested to know whether I'm alone in this? Are you a woman who does DIY? Do you live in a household where jobs are still very gendered? I'd love to hear from you.